We get so busy in life that things start to get a little messy like a blustery winter storm. This NEEDS to get done. That NEEDS to happen. Before we know it the storm comes in and blows us over. It doesn't have to be that way.
I’ve been a little absent from my usual social media presence the past couple of weeks due to my recent gallbladder surgery. I’m not gonna sugar coat anything…life has sucked ass!
I discovered that the gallbladder is where anger and resentment live. Hmmm…I’ve had gallbladder problems since I was in high school, about the same amount of time I’ve had anger issues. Things were starting to make sense and I was ready to move forward…or so I thought.
See, I have people pleasing tendencies and I usually forget to take care of myself or put myself on the back burner. Then, I unconsciously harbor resentment because I know I need to care for myself properly. But I want to help them, make them happy too. I keep trying to justify things by using one of my core values of being flexible. It’s a vicious cycle. And it keeps repeating…over and over.
Well, it’s time to S.T.O.P.! And take my own advice.
When you can slow down enough to figure out where your intentions and “needs” come from you’ll discover how to get closer to what it is you actually want. When you have a solid foundation for what you want no storm can touch you.
So how do you slow down? Just remember to S.T.O.P.
- Literally stop what you’re doing. I don’t care if you’re in the car with screaming children or if you’re in the comfort of your own home trolling for answers on the internet about your new diagnosis. If you feel anxiety, anger, frustration, any negative emotion, freeze, just like you did when you were a kid playing freeze tag. Don’t move a muscle!
- Then take a nice long deep breath. You may need to take more than one. If I’m dealing with my kids it’s usually at least 10. Focus on the air going through your nose, down your throat and bronchi, and into your lungs. Expand your chest using just your breath. Let that breath leave your body and take the tension and negative emotions with it.
- Observe what’s going on. Are the kids just being kids, playful and silly? Or are you making up some stupid story about how they are deliberately pushing your buttons so you lose your shit and they get a giggle out of it (yes, this stupid story is one I use often). Are you overwhelmed by the amount of information on the internet about your condition? Your thoughts about what’s going on is causing the overwhelm and anxiety to surface. How does your body feel? Are you holding on for dear life?
- Proceed consciously based on what you’re seeing and feeling. Can you see how your thoughts have created the anxiety? Do you need to take some more deep breaths or do you need to go beat the shit out of your pillows (yes, this is a practice I participate in because sometimes the thoughts in my head are not so nice). If you need to take a plastic bat to the pillows on your bed because you need to transmute the negative angry energy go do it. Pillows can be restuffed. Do you need to walk away from the computer for a little while so you can clear you mind? Whatever you have to do to release the negative energy so that you can take action and allow the flow of life to break open again, do it! And do it consciously.
When we S.T.O.P and look around we’ll usually start to see that the storm isn’t all that bad, and there might even be a bit of sunshine peeking through the clouds. So if we can shift the negative state we’re in by simply taking a couple of small actions we can shift our being and our doing so that we can have what we want. We learn how to respond rather than react. When we respond the clouds start to dissipate, along with the negative energy, and the sun shines again.
So, I’m going to do my best to remember to fucking S.T.O.P. Then I’m going to enjoy my life again because I’ve created a pretty awesome life.
Ready to S.T.O.P. beating yourself up?
Or do you need a little help building this new habit? Connect with me and we'll make it happen.